Moonlight Contemplations
by Amethyst Jewels
Summary: He's alone after doing the unthinkable in his relationship. The moon is his only company. What is he thinking about? Summaries never does the story justice. Please read!


It's my 25th story! Yay new milestone! ::throws confetti:: I haven't written in so long due to health & personal reasons so I'm extra happy to be back!

This idea bunny escaped from the garden finally. I was actually going through some mail when I found PM from author Shana Elmsford. The small but thoughtful gesture got me to thinking & kept me up an extra two hours & produced this. So thank you Shana! I hope you like it. And to everyone else who waited for me to product something new, Thank You! I hope you all like it.

As usual, we know what happened, what watch the show. This is a "What if?" Scenario! You all know the drill, so I don't have to explain, plus it's been years since I've seen it, so I'm surprised I remember it so well.

This story takes place during the second season in a few episodes where Darien has those visions of tragedy befalling Serena & decides to break up with her to protect her. The ever rare break up of an anime couple! I haven't seen it in years due to Toonami taking it off & DVDs being expensive but still, I think I retained enough info to write this. And don't leave flames if you're gonna hate on me for using the dub names. That argument is so old.

Disclaimer: SUE ME!!! I don't own it so the case will be thrown out of court. =P trust me if I owned this franchise, we'd still be watching it on TV. Song credit at the end!

Moonlight Contemplations

~Many miles, many roads I have traveled  
Fallen down on the way  
Many hearts, many years have unraveled  
Leading up to today~

I don't know why I'm looking at the moon, it's not like it give me any comfort. It just makes me think of HER, the woman who I'm supposed to spend the rest of my life with.

Or so I thought.

I turned away from my balcony door, breaking my gaze of the celestial body. The dream was making me crazy. It was real, it IS real! I love her too much to let this happen. I didn't want to say it, Serena would think me silly. It's better to let her hate me and move on to someone else. They would keep her happy and safe from my premonition. I had myself so convinced that I threw her out my apartment tonight and had to listen to her sobbing for almost an hour before picking up broken heart and stumble home. I know…I was standing by the door the whole time, wanting desperately to open the door, take her into my arms and admit my mistake, beg her to take me back. But I couldn't. Half of me thinks it was cowardly, the other heroic.

Serena would understand if I told her. Yes! Maybe I should see her tomorrow…or call. No, I can't. If I see her sky blue eyes looking into mine, I'll cave. Hearing her would only be worse. Her voice is like a lullaby to my lonely soul. That's why I love her. I endured the pain of my childhood all so I could meet her. Now she's gone.

I could write it down. Get all my thoughts out and explain all without having to face her. It's not exactly manly but it's better than nothing. All my thoughts would be for her eyes only and if she never wanted to see me again, I wouldn't have to know.

Sitting at his desk by the window, the moonlight was so bright, he didn't need his lamp. The winter air seeped in from the window he cracked earlier to let some of the heat out. It gave him a chill, almost as if the wind was telling him to write. The clear sky was dotted with twinkling stars around the full moon, is his audience to his sullen sonata memorandum. The pen took to the paper almost by itself as the thoughts turned into words.

"_By now you're sleeping. I hope my hurtful words have not marred your beautiful soul. I know I've hurt you, the last thing I ever wanted to do. My job…my life is to protect you…that is why I said words I didn't mean and ignored your pleas._

_History was not meant to be repeated. I lost you once and only by graces higher than our being, we were reunited. It took us a while to remember but I wouldn't trade that time for anything. From the first glace I knew I had to be near you…with you. I played off your emotions to find out my purpose in your life and the reason is just to be with you. You are my love, my existence and I have to protect you at all costs._

_I know that dreams are not the definite vision of our future but the first part of the dream is one I had for a long time, our wedding day. Seeing your golden hair glisten in the sunlight while the wind makes your princess dress billow makes you angelic, too good for this word. After that I lost you. The hurt feeling I get waking up from it night after night, knowing I couldn't save you, watching you fall from me screaming my name, is too much to endure. I refuse to let that happen. Sometimes what we want isn't what we get. If my distance guarantees your protection, then I'll do what it takes, no matter the cost to my heart. You are special Serena. Never forget that. One day you will make a man very happy. You will have you wedding day with a full church, covered in flowers and you being the fairest rose of all. You will stand by him as I wish I could by you. I will be watching and give you my love always. Even though it will kill me to see you walk down the aisle away from me, it will be worth it to see a glimpse of the happiness I wish I could give you myself. A love that time can't destroy, a man who adores you, a family."_

The fountain pen stilled its dance on the parchment. It was finished.

When should I send it? Wait until morning and give it to the mailman for its fateful journey? Deliver it in person? NO! The purpose of the letter was to avoid seeing the look on her face again.

Looking over the streets of Tokyo, it was dark. Everyone was just about asleep. It's after midnight. The moon was at its peak position, like a guardian itself, watching over the sleeping people. No one was outside. The stillness of the night added a touch of mysteriousness. After all, things have been known to happen on the full moon. The park came to his attention.

The small city park was many an attraction to afterschool meets, couples for strolling and people watching. It would be empty now, save for the birds and small animals probably roaming about. It wouldn't take long to walk to her house from there. Through the park, turn right and down the block. That's where she is. The house isn't visible from my window but I know she's there. It's decided. Folding the letter carefully & putting it in the envelope, he sealed it future, writing the recipient's name on the front in simple script. Serena.

I hadn't changed from earlier; my pants and sweater were still on from the day before. Once the moment transpired, I leaned against the door then collapsed on the couch in a daze. I put on my books and grabbed my jacket from the closet, i opened the door. It took me a good few moments to step over the threshold, second guessing my already ignoble decision. I'm going, plain and simple. She will understand.

The cold hit me with a blast as I stepped through the doors downstairs. It was cold but not cold enough to snow, not yet. We loved the snow. In the park we made snow men and took pictures, they're still in my apartment. I can't face her but I'll have the memories of her smile. Rounding the corner and stepping into the park, I felt my heart pound. Was I scared? Anticipating the worse? Yes. I deserve the dread I feel. Why couldn't I tell her? I feel low for doing this but a letter is better than nothing. No wondering, no guess work. One of us will feel better and it will be her. It has to be her!

The trees were bare. The frost on the branches made the tree tops almost glow. The moonlight illuminated the park path in front of me, lighting my designated path. This feels like a message. I wish it could be different. The park feels different but the same. This was our park and the last time I walk through it. I have to distance myself, I promised myself I would protect her and I will

A cracking noise snapped me out of my thoughts. Looking up from the ground, I clutched my letter tightly, ready to take on the present would be mugger but I stopped. Pegged to my spot, I couldn't believe what I saw. The gasp I involuntarily took stung my lungs with icy spears. I know that silhouette anywhere. The pigtails caught my eye first, followed by the flowing pink skirt. It's HER.

I know she can see me too and the look on her face mirrored my surprise. Neither of us expected to see each other again. This is serendipity at its finest, a stroke of luck…fate?

Not wanting to delay any further, I took the initial step and she came forward too, meeting me in the middle, in front of the small lake. The wind was colder here coming off the water but we didn't notice. We just stood, eye to eye, no words, blank expressions. This was new to me; I was always able to read her mind seeing into those cool blue depths. Not this time. The letter in my hand was all but forgotten. Should I hand it to her and leave, turning my back on everything? Wait for her reply after reading or give up & grab her? Never letting go because the past few hours was a living nightmare and take the future as it comes?

I didn't have time to format the words to one of my questions because she raised a hand, holding something between us. My eyes drifted downward to see what I was being handed. Was it an empty palm for a friendly goodbye? Her locket she had given to me to restore my memories?

…It's a letter.

*~*~*~*

Author's note: DUN DUN DUNNNN!!!! The ambiguous ending! Don't you just love those?...not. I don't know. At the moment, I feel it's a good ending. After all it is a "what if" story, which did once in a while. If people like it enough, maybe I'll do a companion piece from Serena's point of view or continue it. Whichever choice is popular.

Song snippit: I deserve it by Madonna (of her album "Music"!)


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